Love.hate.life.death.

My weekend...

2008-10-11T07:33:00.000-07:00

So my mummy went to Taiwan a few days ago and i'l home alone till next friday. signed up for Fitness zone, so been going to the gym alot hehe. need to train up and get my mojo backk on the dance floor, since i am going to be attending to a dance school in NY, so yeah...

Yesterday was Friday and like i went to school just to see everyone and say hi. isnt as interesting as i imagined coz everyone is busy wif there work and stuff, its always been weird for me to go back to Jis and not doing some work hahaha, i guess it was a bad habit that i got from that school. i wished like i could help someone wif their work hahaha...anyways, there was alot of boys that were playing warcraft or something like that at the computer lab haahhaha, it was so funny to watch them, very entertaining hehehe...
then dinner, von wanted to go makan at Escapade. so i picked up jun and Azim*1 hahaha, meet up wif kim at gdg already, and went to escapade. waited for von......waiting......waiting....OH! she finally showed up hahaha. excuse:water broke down... hahhaha...anyways, caught the 9.25pm movie for "Eagle Eye". I have to say the movie was actually good, it was a smooth movie, although it wasnt something i would wanna watch twice. Shia Leboeuf was HOTT! hahaha, but too young for the role hahaha, but he was Hot haha. NASRULL fell asleep hahaha, it was soo funny, coz he watched the movie already and like he was shrinking down his seat, and he was snoringgg!~~ hahahah, and suprisingly Jun didnt fall asleep this time, he was into the movie haha, von kept smacking him to make sure he wasnt falling asleep hahah.
aft the movie decided to go to Master Alim for some pool. hahahI WON over jun this time hahah, last game was mineee! ahahha...His always been my biggest challenger haha...he freaking always calculating in his evil lil mind, i know he is hahaha...since he is a maths genius after all. Everytime on the last ball - "JUNN~! stop calculating!~~" hahaha.
Anyways today went to the gym and went to Awiy's open hse, so thats all.
Besok i haf to wake up early to go to Seria with my whole fam, ahh....hopefully that will go well lah. anyways gtg now blog another time. Raya pictures will come on soon enough...

PEACE OUT!

My 18th Birhtday

2008-10-06T09:59:00.000-07:00

My 18th birthday was on the 3nd day of Raya, it was difficult to have a party, so i was really bothered, yet i was dissapointed not doing a big celebration, but it was aite. since time didnt really allowed me to do, i didnt really stress over it. so that day i just went raya'in like normal with my whole fam. My mum was soo suspicious the time when she said that i had to go to this dinner thing for my aunt's at the RBA sports club. i figured something was up hahaha, but i didnt reaaly care.

And well... rupanya my mum and nene organised a suprise thing for me. and my whole family was there and even my chinese fam was there, and my mum secretly went and contacted kim to organise the friends part, and he tried his best and so did jun and cho, but everyone was unavalible. but it was nice of them to have tried for me hehehe. so yea. triple te ampau man ahhahahha...it was so nice of them though, i was very grateful. hehe.

Fah is missing her brother from another mother..hehehe

2008-09-23T07:32:00.000-07:00

Mr.Gianny Aldo, a great friend i just meet while living in the states. and hopefully my future roomate when i get back. this guy is an amazingly funny dude with a french accent hahaha.miss him lods and cant wait to see him back in NY. A future BadBoy records music producer..i'm praying for him hehhe, one day ma brother..one day..hehe.
His rents are awesome, so loving hehehe, love them. it was nice to have a chance to met them, they were fortunate enough to visit NY and us.
hahaha we'r MAC freaks...

A punch on the wall, and brused nuckles and yet the pain wont go away..??

2008-09-18T07:07:00.002-07:00

just an incident that occured recently...ever since coming home, there was a disadvantage that i was afraid that was going to happen. and i'm used to it but it just always gets to me, and i hate it. it shows how weak i actually am inside, but i always tried to fight it. it hurts internallly and out, ad it even breaks the hearts of ppl i love and i dont want that, but sometimes i just cant help myself. God gave me a curse, but i try to see it as a blessing. sometimes it back fires, but somtimes it does good. it may not be the worst kind, but its my kind, and it happened to me. suffering has alwys been the big issue in my life...(now being emo or anything, or not trying to make a statement or whatever..)... what i'm trying to say is that is just suckksss.. nobody understands what i'm saying??....well good ur not suppose to, i'll be suprised if u do hehe....

whatever...

A good weekend~

2008-09-15T00:31:00.000-07:00

i actually had a really nice weekend, never felt this nice in a long time.

Friday

went to school during lunch and it was really decent, seeing everybody. Awiy, my lil teddy bear mate..Pivot~ haha. A few games of chinese can past time for quick, yet i suck at it.
Even though we planned to hang out that day after school wif my girls and so, the time just didnt allow us, but there's always nxt time..

Saturday

For Buka puasa, had some my my mum's friends over in the house and had like a small gathering, which was aite, and prayed for magrib together, bless the house.Fodd was awesommeeeeee, my chef - Puji~ hehe..then after joined the crew to watch a mvie fucking - " MAMA MIA", fucking movie. promised myself i wouldnt watch that movie, but its too late now hahaha. After, coffeebean, watch a few mins of the match - Man.U sadly didnt win, fuck Liv. and last minute decided to go play pool at Master Alim. Ashraf, cho, Kim, Jun and me. playing pool is always a great joy to me, no matter how dump i sound, its true hahah. even though i didnt win the majority of my matchs wif kim and jun. i always hold the last ball hahahha. "i'll get u guys next time, now that my mojo is BACK! so WATCH OUT~" hahahaha.
Master Alim is going to be my new best friend hahaha, since the fucking mall doesnt haf the pool anymore, now is a stupid archade for kids. and in the end of the day, i sent everyone home.

Ohh and i went shopping wif my mummy hehe, she said its was a reward for me hehe, which was nice.spent alot for once in brunei hhahaha.

iffah cant say how embassased and sorry she is to everyone..

2008-09-09T01:14:00.000-07:00

about a one and a half days ago, i was fucked off in my friends' house and i dont remember much of what i did, but ppl told me what stupid things i've done, ad even got a vid to prove it. God i'm soo embarrased, i probably wont do that in a long time..

First of all i would just like to say sorry to Brendon, jun, soon, cheryl, iz and tm. ohh my fucking God, i never felt sooo stupid in my life. i drunk dialed soo many ppl, well actually jun dialled it for me, and yet he didnt stop me, baie~ hahha. luckily most of the ppl didnt pick up, but tm did and i haf no idea what i haf said to him, but ppl told me i said that i'm soo drun rite now and i'm sorry alot of times and i told him i love him, and he's a good friend or something ass like that. and now i will never show my face to him. i probably will melt inside. omg i need to say sorry to him. and to iz, well jun told me i missed him sooo much so i wanted to talk to him, and jun was kind enough to cal him for me.
anywyas whats done is done...yet again i'm soooo SOOOOO Sorry..

FUCKKK~

GRADUATION PICTURES..

2008-08-31T13:38:00.000-07:00

Baby girl Ashley and me.

Uncle Ben

Cerz and me..blurr'd

IFFAH HAS FINALLY GRADUATED AND HAS HER FIRST DIPLOMA IN NEW YORK...YAY ME~!! AHAHA

2008-08-30T23:24:00.000-07:00

i am officially a graduate from the new york film academy. 8 months of pure agony and hard work, and fun has finally paid off. it was actually a realy nice graduation. photos will be posted up soon enough and more info will come. now i'm tired as fuck from all the stress. so PEACE OUT!~ till nxt post...

its been a while...

2008-08-28T20:19:00.000-07:00

its been months since i last signed in and alot of things haf been going on. so i'm busy busy busy...and all work will be paid off in one day time....YUP! GRADUATION DAYY~! i'm very excited for graduation because its gonna be my first graduation ceremony in new york hehe. its just sad that not any of my friends or family will be here to watch me on my big day. wish my mum would be here, but what can i do rite?...everybody's all the way over there and i'm here. its ok though, its fine really. mum's been extremely supportive of me and very proud of me, and happy for me, and thats all that matters realy to me.

Anyways i've had my meiser,sence study and improv presentations DONEEE AND OVER WITH. my last presentation was last tuesday and i tink it went great, as long as the audience were intertained and they enjoyed it, thats mean i've done my part for the night. somebody came up to me today said that she enjoyed my scene wif alan, which i am glad. it was fun working wif my friend Alan. it was just a great night. my whole class was just soooo hilarious, we definately BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN, and i mean it. Yet, on the other hand, that sad part of the night was when Leti and her sis, Marta was going off early back to the Canary Island, their hometown. so i dedicate this entry to them.
Leti was just an amazing person to be around, she always made me feel like home. and her sister, MARTA. crzy beautiful bitch that she is hahahaha, is just adorable. believe me both of them are so beautiful together it just scares me, and i'm not even joking, even said that to her hahaha. i will miss them truely. i will meet up wif leti in Paris, definately. and the highlight of that night was wen i went wif my friends to korea town and KEREOKII for the first time in a LONG time. was keroeki'in korean style hahahhaa. the place was awesome. and drinking was involved hahaha. Ceri was just drunk as always, and was sooo much fun to be with of course hehehe. and i do haf pictures as evidence hahahaha. and FUCK Adam man! his voice is just to die for. just took my breathe away ahhaha. love that guy. althought he's always saying - "i'm so over it" hahaha, thts he's special phrase.
tried some Soju (korean shots) is fucking awesomeee, doesnt taste like shit, but its suppose to be strong as fuck ahhaha.
Anways, even though i got so much more to say, i'm really tired as fuck rite now, lukily tomorow my whole class gets to skip schl, coz everybody has to pack their shit from their apt and go home, and one of them would be me. so tomorow is "pack shit up day" and hopefuly i get time to go shopping before my graduation on SATURDAYYY~! i'm fucking happy at this moment. haahha, but tired as fuck. anyways here's some picturesss... (p.s my left ass is numb rite now from sitting for a logn time.. i know u didnt need to knwo tat)
Miss Ali as "Olive"

Miss Crzy Ceri as "Florence"

Pil and the beatiful Sarmeinto sisters

Adam and Ceri

Ceri, Eunyoung and Ali singing their heart out

Ceri there bending over for EY hahaha

A shooutout to my friend..

2008-08-08T16:32:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO MY GOOD FRIEND

CHEE SOON CHONG!! hehe, hope u had a nice birthday bash without me hahahha, nxt year man nxt yr, hehe. really miss u soon this blog is dedicated to u buddie. what u want for ur birthday presnt?? hahhaa. no i know what u want haha....
18th man, nearly legal haha half way there. miss ya soon love yaa! talk to u soon!

4th of July

2008-07-04T17:21:00.000-07:00

just went around Times Sq BY MYSELF hahaha, it was ok, there were soo many peeps and tourist. there is suppose to be a firework display somewer but i couldnt be bthered to go and also i didnt want to go alone hahahha, so sad~, but it was nice to just hve time and just walk around. however sadly tomorow i got classes again and have to wake up early in the freakin morning, but its cool..like i have no choice haha.

here's some images that i just took for fun...

"Why so SERIOUS??"...

ELLMOOOOO~!!

Meet Dave

Reading things and constantly thinking...

2008-06-19T21:42:00.000-07:00

you know today was actually a good day, i was predicting it was gonna be a rainy day, seriously. however it turned out to be a nice day out hehe. classes were chilling, was alil boring but it was aite.HOWEVER, what DIDNT make my day and ruined it was when i recieved a comment AND a message from this dude, who btw didnt evern KNOW me or who the f*** i am. INSULTED ME MASSIVELY about my ARTWORK and my RELIGION. tat the only thing i HATE the most, people who insults my passion and my goodness and my God, it aint rite!!?....HE hasnt got the right. man i was soo F'in furious. but i was civilized enough to reply him as i did, coz mama said to keep it short and simple. so i said:

"you have no right to say that to me, you dont even know me! from a muslim saying to a muslim, that aint right. by th way i love Allah as much as every other muslim in this world. only Allah can judge me."

i dont believe this guy, but u know people got the own rights to say what they think, so he cant bother me. and like what mama say " only Allah can judge me", i feel better after that.i know i can say so much more but i cant, i can write thousands of word that require cursing, but today i am trying not to curse anymore cause i jst realise that i swear like crzy crackhead, and its soo hard to NOT swear hahha believe me take my word. but man was i heating up. i feel so insulted, but i'm fine, its all good.

And freedom is ovr atm, my roomate just came back from Moscow today, i'm happy to see him safe back home, looks like he had a good time.but i wont get to scream my butt off singing in my apt hahaha. man i'm still comfused about my stay here, i really wanna move into the city and damn i know i would be much happier but this place i am in rite now is a good place and i'm afraid to loose it, but i just DONT KNOEWWWW. but watever will haf to c.

For my friend Ceri.C (aka vanilla face..)

2008-06-17T18:04:00.000-07:00

This crzy lady is the dirtiest and swetest person ever hahaha, love this girl. representin' BAAATH, LONDON~! hahaha..

Ordinary day..

2008-06-16T15:32:00.000-07:00

My home's quiet than ever now.my Russian friend and his mum left and my roommate IS IN Moscow, and in a week time, my amah will be going back to Brunei, and i will be here by-myself-all-alone....FREEDOMM~! hahaha, scary, but its awesome, gonna learn how to deal things by-myself...walking alone in the dark night otw home...dadum-dadumdadum...AHHHHH~!! hahahah. LOL. its actually so exciting ahahhaa, washing my own cloths and cooking..ohhshit man, i'm gonna go crzy in the kitchen hahahha - turn up the tune and just do magic hahahaha with the pot and pans hahaha...

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST HAHAHAHAA...wish one of my mates would come and accompany hehee...but you know i'll deal with things smoothly, except with the lauundry hahaha. i'm like an alien on mars with the laundry machine here ahhaha, hopefully i wont turn white into pink or blue hahahaha.i'll show pictures if i do haaha...

TOMOROW:
i got acting for film class and meiser class, which would be torture, but hopefully not, (but i know it is..) hahaha. for act.film i'm gonna watch how i'm making a full out of myself on camera, hopefully it wont be as bad as i would think, and of course my teacher will critic and make me feel like shit, but thats aite. And meiser, well.....no comment ahahhaha...hopefully i do a good job this time. and i gotta go grocery shopping hahaha...and learn new things hahaha.

Soho Park..

2008-06-14T19:55:00.000-07:00

Mohito regulars hahaha

Happy birthday to my dear friend..

2008-06-12T19:29:00.000-07:00

i didnt get to take a picture of the complete product ehhe, but it turned out alright. not my best work, but was good enough eheh. My friend Rena loved it, loved the look on her face. she's a greek goddess, my friend. she had a happy great birthday. forever young baby~!!...(btw, my other friend gave her a "rabbit", if u know what i mean hahahha)..

this blog is dedicated to my dear, Rena~

My own work of art... in progess..

2008-06-07T20:24:00.001-07:00

this is my friend leti "ETALA", who is such a sweetheart and i love her. shes gorgeous and crzy, and she always makes me feel like home, thats why she is one of my inspirations for my work. this is for you leti, love yah babe~

2008-06-07T20:21:00.000-07:00

FAMOUS ANDY WARHOL and other artista...

2008-06-07T20:17:00.000-07:00

Metropolitan Museum of Art

2008-06-07T20:07:00.000-07:00

JEFF KOONS ON THE ROOF
THE STEVEN AND ALEXANDRA COHEN COLLECTION..

"BALLOON DOG" MADE OF STAINLESS STEEL WITH TRANSPARENT COLOR COATING..

" SACRED HEART" STAINLESS STEEL WITH TRANSPARENT COLOR COATING...

" COLOURING BOOK"...

a change of state and mind... the art of being.

2008-05-23T13:44:00.000-07:00

these few weeks been feeling like shit, some deep DEEp shit, felt like giving up and the idea of hurting myself was in mind, and thats not like me at all, like SERIOUSLY..., i'm always so fuking happy-go-lucky and nothing could make me down and misrable, but this few weeks been feeling like the opposite and just everything i do seems like shit, or wrong of something.
school's been a pain in the ass too, if i miss one class, the rest of my week would suck like trash. really the things i try to do and did, wasnt good enough for my teachers, everything i do is wrong, nvr felt like dirt in my life. making me wanna quit and just go back home.

Every morning i wake up and it feels like a bad hang-over, and i keep telling myself that i'm not going to schl today, but i'm still moving towards the shower and getting ready and i kept saying to myself " i'm not going to schl today..", even on the way in the subway...every morning is a drag for me now...and my home life is even adding misrable ingredient splatters all over my life. my close friend was mad at me and made me feel even shitter and we had our first fight seriouly for a second but everything worked out in the end. and my other close friend is going back to his home in a week, and i dont know wat t do wifout him at home. really gonna miss him though, will see him aft that anyways..hopefully..
And to add in all this i'm soooo f***in' homesick. i miss my mama dearly and my best friends, i feel distance from them but its aite we'r all still cool, i can live wi that i guess....it doesnt seem as fun as it was than before. but art is keeping me alive.

i realise that now...that art is really my true passion, i may not be the greatest artist in the f***in' world, but i am ONE of the artist in the world. last night i had the epifeny to do something in my life that i tink now is a more beautiful thing than before. this may sound stupid to yo'll but to me, its a beautiful thing to have.i was watching "Miami ink" last might and i just realise that having a sleeve-full of tatts is beautiful, and it would inspire me to do the same. it would reflect my whole life and whole life to come into body art. i have always been fasinated by bodyart. i know tattoo'in is a typical thing and is been going on for years, and almost everybody has them, but as a young artist its another inspiration, because i myself dont have any tatts, but has inspired to have SOME, not one but SOME. its against my religion to have this art, but i am not against'in my religion. ( i know i'm gonna get alil religious here, but its part of me so..) Allah knows that i love art, all kinds of art, he know my life has grown up wif art, so hopefully i will not be sin'd to have them. some people may not understand the way i tink and may think its stupid but i AM passionate about art, and i think beyond art.

What is art?................................I AM ART.

Day 3: 2nd semester...

2008-05-16T21:04:00.000-07:00

Since my 2nd semester has started its been going really slow and heavy, but i'm hopeing things will be better, cause i'm beginning feel like i'm wasting my mummy's money, and that is kinda dissapointing me atm, but i'm trying to be positive as i possbly can. Its too bad to hear that my friend EunYoung might not b coming back to nyfa, i wanted to get to know more about her, she's really sweet. However i am pleased to say i have meet another korean friend tat i can always visit in korea hehe...

Speaking of friends, i miss mine..sooo f****in' much. i feel soo useless without them ahhaha, too many to miss is too heavy for my brain aahha...The twins, azie,soon,iz,kim,jun,sarah,rly,cho,,myra,choi..and so the list goes on...God i miss home too F***in' much, just 3 more months or so in counting...IN COUNTING~...hehe...
Although, here i have found some real friends that have became very close to me. my friend Alan from DR hahaha, he's been such a charming fellow, always know how to make me smile and such a happy-go-lucky person, and my other friend GIANNI ( which i use to call him johnny by mistake hahaha), has been living in my apartment for about a month or so, and i have made closer friends with him than my own roommate. they have been like my brothers, taking care of me by making me feel like home here hahaha..even though they're not from here. very passionate people, i must say.
its weird how i always can make great friends wif guys like that hahah, but never lucky enough to have a boyfriend..sick of being single, its that stage of my teen years where single life is not an option anymore hahahahha...but i guess i'll still be waiting for that someone still, whoever he may be...COME NOW AND FIND ME DANMIT hahahaha...i mean i'm in new york for Allah's sake, is there noone for me out there??...noone noone noone~ can get in the wat i feel for U~ UU~ ahhaha..anyways gtg, i got schl again tomorow baie, sooo tired...hopefully tomorow will be a good day...ciao

2 of my latest work for 2008..

2008-05-16T21:01:00.000-07:00

Holiday break..take 1..

2008-05-05T00:39:00.001-07:00

so its the 2nd day of my holiday break and its just al about chilled out rite about now, yesterday just spent time at home ( i know sounds sad but its chillied) was in my painting mode all day, finished painting Christina Aguilera's portrait (cause she's my idol..) and i'm proud of my work for once in a while haha..and at night i watched DOOMSDAYS with my friend johnny and magda in my apt till like 4 in the freaking morning, the movie sucked, it was aite but ...noh~..aft that i was too excited to go back to sleep so i watched half of a movie called "Vampire diary" which even sucked more hahahha, then it was sunrise and i went to sleep..weird...

but that reminded me about the times i was with my boys just hanging out till sunrise just chillin hahahaha, i do mis them dearly. talked to one of em today, very suprisingly he was online, trickd me and made me feel palui but it was nice to talk to him and catch up hahhah (aka Tina) ahhaha...and i talk to another dear buddy of mine fr like hours hahaha, it was hilariously funny ahahha, i always enjoy his conversations wif me, we'r like family. i didnt even realise that i didnt had my dinner and it was already midnight hahaha, funny how time flies by u sooo quickly. i also did talk to a new friend of mine here i met in nyfa, and i'll be hanging wif him molo to watch Ironman, cant wait to watch ironman...Robert Downey Jr. is hot in that movie haaha, but too old for my age hahha...anyways hopefuly tomorow will be fun.

film school...

2008-03-30T16:03:00.000-07:00

been busy all week, classes r almost everyday now, even SATURDAYS...I KNOW...crzy rite?/...but anyways, my whole weekend has been critisized. i know i anit an actor, but plz give me a damn break man~!, just a kid. but i know they're just teaching us things, but i just cant take it anymore ok, they're bringing me down and i thought i could take it, but watever yo i'm just dealing wif it, aint nobody in this world could push me around or fuk wif my head. i'm stronger than that. i dont know wat my mama would say but all i know is that she wouldnt let anymore bother me and just be happy yo'll...and if u dont know i'm close to my mum, she's my everything, serisouly...no doubt about that..shit, i would kill for her hahaha, that how much i care for her.but anyways, i guess its just one of those bad days i'm having...sucks...

u knwo i really wanna move into the city sooo badly, and find a really awesome apartment that is just lovin it hahaha, if i was in the city i would go out everyday, but sadly now i'm in a small basement apartment sharing wif a dude how doesnt like noises and got a very annoying construction going on rite nxt door, fukers....and i'm all the way in jersey city...but anyways wish me luck, hopefully can find me a good ass apartment in manhattan..maybe nxt dorr to a hot dude as my neighbour!!...hahhahahaha...

well i got class again tomorow, only 2 classes thank god.act.film and V&M (voice and movement), but i gotta practise wif my partner for meiser, hopefully i wont mess that up, freaking memorising is sooo hard for me for some reason, its like once its in for a few days then gone another day...but anyways wish me luckf or that too...peace~!

My first post of the day...

2008-03-27T14:21:00.000-07:00

i've always wanted to do a blog so hear it is.. well now that i have been i the US might as well start a blog rite??...hahha.. new place, new life, new friends, new school... made some awesomely nice friends from NYFA, if u dont know wer that is its..the NEW YORK FILM ACADEMY, yes..i am attending there at the moment. never really thought that i would ever... cause not really persue'in an acting career any time soon but if there's a oppurtunity, of course i will take it..

i thought for my first post i should introduced myself, which is soo lame but hey...so wat...haha
1. i'm from brunei
2. i'm currently 17
3. i'm half chinese and half malay
4. i'm a muslim
5. i love singing~!
6. has big interest in music, art and hip hop dancing, photography..
7. i'm a mama's girl, she's my life and my only love
8. i love my friends very much, since i ma an only child i depend on my friends as my brithers and sister...
9.single..HAHAHHAA...
10. love playing billard, and all my friends now i'm the queen of that hahahhaa...

thats all you should know me for now, coz i haf no idea who's reading my blod and i dont want any strange weird ass ppl who will stalk me and kill me hahhaha...
ever since i've been in new york/jersey city its been hard coz i'm starting over again in some place new, but now i'm getting better, i feel more like home everyday. man can u believe it at 17 already haf my own place and living on my own.anyways, tomorow i got classes, lets c wat do i haf?... meiser, act tech and improv...again.. man i'm geting sick of my act.tech monologue, its driving me crzy, i mean serisouly, i knwo its acting but damn man does it haf to scare me wen i'm in the moment??...hahaha, but anyways its all fun so yeah..been doing alot of imrov which is fun..my classmates r awesome, their like my lil family here in ny. we got Rena from greece, Leticia from spain, Ali from london, ceri from bath UK, Eunyoung from korea, Tori from Aussie, Rory from st.lucia, Alan from Dominican republic, and there's lil old me! from brunei hahaha, we's all int students so thats cool...the teachers may think that we'r a bad-ass class, but we just small group, who go really well with eachother so yeah man...anyway i gtg now to do my work...peace out~!